After an intensive interactive session with the 30+ year old executive students at university this morning, one said "I would never express myself like this if my boss was sitting beside me." Another added, "It starts when we go to school. We have to sing a song in front of class and that makes us all feel like idiots. Then we are trained to do as we are told without question. We are never asked what we think." Another student questioned, "Why is it the companies want creativity and innovation, yet when I'm at a job interview I am never asked what I think or anything to do with my creativity or ability to innovate? They only want to know if I can do the job." Are we being trained to shut up and mindlessly take instruction?  Perhaps it is no wonder that after the age of 7 children have lost much of their imaginative ability, their willingness to ask "why?" and their willingness to try.. Until turning seven, what is later named failure, was just another fun experience. After then, the word failure is the label given for trying and then experiencing an outcome that was different from expectations... usually others. We are judged and begin to judge ourselves according to others standards. And the outcome? Could it be, one ceases being ones own person and instead becomes the standard model others want us to be? Does one cease to think for oneself and become disconnected and mistrustful of ones own natural wisdom? Have we  become like those USA college graduates who were questioned a few years ago to see how well they could appropriately apply in different situations what they had learnt? They were found to have the ability of seven year olds. Unless we are encouraged, we can lose our creative spark, initiative and willingness to experiment and try and to fully live. How do we break free from becoming a human robot? The steps back to sanity and our humanity: 1. recognise what thoughts, beliefs and values you have inherited from others and ask yourself, do these really serve me? 2. go into your heart. Move out of your mind, tune into how you feel and ask how do I want my life to be? 3. ask, what thoughts, beliefs, values and actions will cause me to experience my life the way I want it? Start to think, feel and act accordingly. Use your imagination and envisage you and your life being the way that allows you to feel the greatest amount of joy. The result. The kind of life you have been experiencing that has not worked for you, will simply fade away. You will begin to feel a shift. Rather than finding life draining you, you will have more energy, more enthusiasm, more inspiration and more joy for living. What's more, you will get more done with far less stress and effort. Being true to yourself, rather than a copy of others expectations, is totally empowering. You come alive to yourself and life. You become a full human. Only when you are, can you be of service to others.

Because you are free to choose, how do you decide what to choose?

The choices you make dictate your future, the quality of your life, your relationships, your well-being, your wealth and health and possibly how long you live. Making your choices is THE MOST IMPORTANT task you have. So how do you decide what to choose?

Tips on how to choose:

1.  Choose life!  When you make a choice ask yourself what choice most serves and supports life. What is life-supporting adds to life .... your life and the lives of others. What you will find is that when you support life, life supports you. I will share an example. When I moved from New Zealand to Finland I decided it would be best if my children could enjoy the company of their Finnish grandparents because my parents were no longer here. Any thought of a career was put behind me. Within days of arriving in Finland my wife talked with the woman who owned a cafe. She said her son was studying international business; a subject I was interested in. I spoke to him and got the name of his university. Then spoke with the dean who arranged for me to meet the head of the business studies faculty. He said "we need a native English speaker in leadership. Would you be interested in lecturing on that subject?" Of course I said "yes". "There's a problem. The students are not interested and only half turn up." "No problem" I replied and left to go to the main book shop to select a book on leadership to study. A week later I was lecturing. A week after that the class was full and the lectures were rated by the students as the best they had attended.

 

2.  What choice best adds to my happiness?  Your mind, heart and body is one intelligence sensitive to what is best for you. When you face a choice between two or more alternatives consider each alternative and ask your self "does this add to my happiness?". Sense the reactions in your heart and body. The choice best for you is the one where you feel a sense of fulfillment and increased happiness. It could be called your intuitive sense. Even though the choice you make may not appear rational or sensible you will invariably find that it was  the best choice for you at that time. Try this in simple ways first developing and trusting your ability to make the right choices.  It is a skill you can easily develop and is a skill used by many, such as business leaders, who are making big decisions.

 

3. Observe the outcomes of your choices.  Although we may think we make our choices on clear rational grounds, many of our choices are driven by our sub-conscious urges that we are unaware of.  The outcomes of your choices will inform you about the nature of the inner urges that caused you to make the choice you did. You may find you have a pattern of making choices that are not good for you. For example, you may have noticed that sometimes women who are in relationship with alcoholics leave their relationships only to go into relationships with other alcoholics. Once you are aware of your inner urges you can change your choices to be more beneficial. Later I will explain ways to do that.

 

4.  Sometimes it is better not to choose.  Instead you may rather not do anything when faced with a problem. Why?  A new manager of the subsidiary of one of the world's largest companies realised the previous manger was always solving problems. No sooner had he solved one problem, another would pop up. As he observed this, he realised that the manager's solutions would often be the cause of new problems. When he took over as manager, he decided not to solve problems but rather wait to let the problems solve themselves. Only, if they did not, would he intervene and often only to ask those who were most affected what they considered the most appropriate course of action.

 

5. Choose not to do harm to others.   This is similar to  No 1 and relates to No 2. You will find by choosing not to harm or hurt others will add to your own happiness. Go the next step. Choose to benefit others; not to save them from themselves, but to help them to help themselves. If do the former you could be disliked. If you do the latter, they will be empowered and you may or may not be liked, remembered or even thanked. That is not why you chose to help them to help themselves. The help you give is best if given without thought of reward or thanks. Your reward is knowing that you have the power and the opportunity to make a positive difference in someone's life. When you are aware of your power you become more powerful. When you are aware of opportunities you attract more opportunities. That is your reward.

If you have a question, email me.  I will read it and, if I'm not too busy, will reply.

Would you like to know how to get your life-spark to burst into flame? ...to get that joy of living back? ...to feel the excitement of being alive? Here are my tips. When my flame had gone out and my life seemed pointless, I developed some techniques that helped me move out of reverse gear, back into first, up into second, then  third and into top. I had too. If I had not, I would not be writing this. 1. Make your film. The first time I did this I was standing as I could not sit on my bed without feeling I was being sucked into a black hole of ever deadening depression. Shut you eyes. Go back over your life and search for those moments when you felt happy and at your best. Recall humorous, fun situations; jokes. Your good times. At first you may find just one. That's a good start.  Focus all your attention on that moment. Take yourself back there. Experience the experience. See the people. Capture the time of day. Was the sun shining? How were you dressed? What were you saying? What were others saying? What was your expression? How were you feeling? Go fully into that moment. Why? Because your body-mind recalls it all. It is indelibly etched inside you, part of who you are. It is you. And as you recall how you were,  you return to how you were then. It has not gone. It is like a book on your shelf. You can take it and open it at any time and you are there, fully alive. Once you have your first picture flaming, you will readily be able to recall more and more. With each mental picture, go fully into the situation until it bursts into flame...into your life. The night I first did this I start to laugh and, the more funny situations I recalled, the more I laughed. That was until my land lady started stomping on the floor above me saying "I told you. I told you, you were not have any parties in my house".The laughing stopped. Keep doing this until you have a story board of such mini-film clips to string together and then run them through your mind and feel the feelings you felt with each clip. Now open your eyes and write them down. Every night before going to sleep take out your paper and play your film to yourself. When you wake in the morning, do the same. Even when you are feeling good, do this. It is a twice a day exercise 2. Take a walk on the wild side: Get moving. The more you move your body the more alive you will feel. However, what I am going to recommend, is a walk with a difference. A difference that will make your life-spark flame, raise your self-confidence and bring back that joy of living. This time take your name. Let us say your name is Christopher,like mine. Starting with the first letter "C" make it the first letter of a word that inspires you. "C" could stand for courage. Now see the next lamp post up ahead of you. Walk or jog to that lamp post saying to yourself I am becoming more and more courageous, more and more courageous. See the lamp post as a  winning post ..  like a finishing tape at the Olympics. When you reach the post firmly reach out your hand and slap the post saying to your self                   "I AM courage".  Of course you say this silently otherwise you may be wizzed off for some serious observation. When you have caught your breath and have fully absorbed into yourself that you are a winner that is courageous, go for the next lamp post. The next letter is "h". This could stand for "humour" or what ever quality you wish to experience in yourself. And do the same again. Once you have gone through all the letters of your name, repeat the process.                      I started doing this one evening and found myself still running on the far side of my city, from lamp post to lamp post, at four the following morning, totally high. Totally exhausted, I staggered back to where I was staying with the stomping land lady. Was it worth it?  Of course it was. It rocketed me out of depression and self pity, right back into life. My life flame was now burning like a mini sun. And the joy? Yes, that is what I discovered. Ones joy is always there. It sometimes needs turning on.  That's how I did it. Tell me how you are doing it. I would love to hear so I can share your story with others to help lift them up and inspire them Email me at chris@chrisevatt.com For more idea,s go to my www.chrisevatt.com. View my videos.

Your question "How to find your mission...the meaning why we exist?"

Your No.1 mission is to be fully you expressing your fullest potential and living life fully.  You are your mission and fully experiencing your life is your mission. You have nothing to prove. You are great the way you are.

You may chose any purpose you wish. All are ok. Some will enable you to feel great and others will cause you to feel bad. Some you will feel more alive about, others less alive.

Choose those purposes that enable you to fully express your capabilities in a way that enables you to feel great and fully alive. And your purposes may change.

That's OK too.

Your question "Do you need to have gifts in order to find love/motivation?"

We all have unique gifts and combinations of gifts. Our gifts allow us to create our unique value. It is creating our unique value that gives us the most joy. Charles loved sport. Because he loved it he became good at it.

Even when he was too old to be good at it he enjoyed assisting others to
express themselves through sport.

Keys:

• enjoy being yourself. You are totally great just the way you are. 
  That is your no. 1 mission. If you don't enjoy being you, nothing else will do it for you.
• when you know yourself, you will know what you do that gives you the most satisfaction. i.e. feeling fully alive
• focus on doing what enables you to feel and be at your best... and growing.